Funny

So a big part of my job is coordinating with the doctors who review our content. And one of them didn't have any changes so I ask him:

So no edits Dr. Venkman, is that correct?

Correct. Might consider a gentler Herpes Zoster photo but it does certainly get the point across.

Aniston's new dude

No doubt he's a good-looking guy who takes care of himself but does he seem to be trying too hard with all the band T-shirts? I mean how old is that guy? Sick layout and design in above pic huh?

Is that a fucktard convention advertisement?

Just playing. Don't think it is--that was just a funny youtube comment on this video that my boy Jayson Matthews posted and I'm reposting:

Hanging Loose

I met my wife at our place of work. We carried on this secret affair without any of our co-workers knowing. Then we both quit. So one day we’re running errands in the Inner Sunset and we run into this dude we used to work with! So my wife manages to hide in the post office—she scoped him out before he saw us and she decided she still wanted to keep the secret. So she tells me to go talk to him but not to let on that we’re seeing each other.

So he says, Porter! How you been?

Oh, you know, just hanging loose.

Cool, cool.

I left PRNewswire just like you! I’m working at Adobe now (don’t think he worked there just wanted to make it seem like he had a cool job)! Did you find a new job?

Not yet.

So what have you been up to?

Nothing really. Just hanging loose.

Hanging loose, eh? Good way to be I guess. Okay man, take care!

I was so nervous about putting up this false front of casual normalcy, that that’s all I could say! Clearly not hanging loose at all! My wife jumps out from behind this large plant and says “’Just hanging loose’! What the hell was that?!” Matt Dilkens must think I’m such a weirdo now, huh?

Sent from my iPhone

I once viewed this email signature as a badge of exclusivity, but Jim Rome made the point that bragging about owning a device that 200 million other people also own isn't an impressive piece of posturing. So my sign-off now reads Sent from my Siemens Xelibri. No one owns this phone.

Comcast sucks for so many reasons

but here's a new one: every time that The Heartbreak Kid is on, the On Demand listing incorrectly reads that what's airing is the original 1972 version (which I love) starring Charles Grodin, Cybill Shepherd and Eddie Albert:when in fact it's Ben Stiller's career-worst turd version: What also pisses me off (though this isn't Comcast's fault) is that Jerry Fuckheimer was allowed to name his Will Smith movie Bad Boys because every time I see that it's on, I think it's this original version:Great movie but I wasn't ready to view the Ally Sheedy rape scene as an 11-year-old. Same goes for the chainsaw scene in Scarface from the same year.

Never considered myself a fanboy of anyone

Till I came across Scott Hansen's blog. I was searching for the old Jack in the Box font because I wanted to flip the logo to read "Jackin' the Boss." I came up with that idea after mistyping Jack in the Box and it sounded so funny to me. Anyhow, I found his blog entry about the Jack in the Box rebranding which he considered a success. This must be Mr. Hansen's only aesthetic miscalculation (I liked the old logo better) because the man's a genius and I'd probably lick his scrotus if he asked me to:

Maybelline ad musical trivia

Name the popular 80s TV show whose theme song is featured in this Maybelline ad.
Got it? It's spelled backwards here: ip mungam.

Took me a while to place it. Never gave much thought as to whether I liked this song but it sounds great here! Doesn't it?

Speaking of repurposing 80s music for use in commercials, I have a great idea for using the Sigue Sigue Sputnik chart-topper, "Lips Like Sugar." Splenda could use it and change the lyric to "Lips Like Splenda, Splenda Kisses." Can't you already see it? Images of young beautiful couples pouring Splenda in their coffee and then kissing. For some reason I see a tight shot of a couple drinking hot chocolate, kissing, and then the camera opens up to a wider shot of a gorgeous mountain vista and you realize they're on a ski vacation in some glamorous European resort town like Gstaad. Oops--I guess that band was Echo and the Bunnymen. Here it is:

Not Enough Time for These Dimes

This is my new rap act I'm managing: Dimepieces & Timepieces.