I grew up with some real comedians

Like one time I was hanging out with my friend Marty. I left the room and didn't realize it until my mom had called and left a message the next day, but he had changed my outgoing message on my answering machine to this:

Hi, you've reached The Violator--America's first all-male gay hotline. If you'd like to get it on with two horny ballplayers in the dugout, press one NOW; if you'd like to party with a hot and leathery gang of musty, mustachoied bikers, press two now; and if you've always wondered what it was like with your hot naked grandfather figure, press three now...

There were some other ones I wish I could remember. He was obsessed with phone sex. When those lines first came out he called me and said hey, can you call me back at my Grandmother's? He gave me a 976 number and I didn't even question it because it was a just another prefix at the time. He also told me when he was staying at some weird boarding house he had made friends with a bunch of Japanese exchange students who were living there. He said he called a bunch of those numbers on his friend Sayuri's phone. I was like, aww man, that's fucked up--what if she asks you about it? He said she wouldn't even notice or understand the charges. He was probably right.