Hottie spotting--where your next boyfriend is hiding

So I'm awake at 4:30 a.m. yesterday morning and I hear someone knocking loudly on the door of the apartment above me. I'm very intrigued. Why is this person knocking at this hour? Is there music or an alarm clock on? Nope, aside from the knocking, it's dead quiet. Is there a leak from his toilet? This is a possibility since his toilet leaked into our bedroom. It has to be something really serious because this upstairs neighbor (I’ll call him Terry) of mine is mean and scary. Terry’s a personal trainer--tall, muscular and laconic. His body language is such that you just don't bother him--not even to say hi or offer a perfunctory wave or smile. He still hasn't answered the door. I know he's awake--I hear his footsteps creaking. The knocker resumes his knocking, then stops, then starts again. He finally answers this door! I'm scared for the knocker.

“Sorry to bother you,” he says.

I can’t make out the rest of what he says. I also can’t decipher Terry’s response. Not in the slightest. He’s doesn’t seem angry though. He just mumbles something. And then the knocker apologizes again and walks away. As far as I can tell, nothing has been resolved. I hear the knocker coming down the stairs and I get a glimpse of him--it’s my neighbor (I’ll call him Aaron) from next door. He sits on the last stair with his head in his hands. He gets up very slowly and leans his head against the wall. He goes back into his apartment. I tell Vicky about it and she seems curious, but she’s too tired to theorize with me. She goes back to sleep and I go to the gym.

I see Terry at the gym. I see him there every day. Never once have we said hi to each other, though. I go through my routine—15 minutes on the stationary bike, 15 on the Stairmaster, some jumping jacks, sit-ups and stretching. When I get back home, Vicky tells me that Aaron knocked again—two separate times. Now she’s as curious as I am. If there’s a leak, why isn’t he knocking on the owner’s door, we wonder? And why is he knocking on Terry’s door again when he already had his chance to settle his business earlier? Vicky asks me to tell Aaron that Terry is at the gym—because then he’d stop knocking. I ignore Vicky’s plea for now and jump in the shower. As I’m getting dressed, I realize Aaron has begun his fifth round of knocking. It’s time to speak with Aaron now, I’m thinking. I walk halfway up the stairway, turn my head around and see him—he’s half lying on the floor, with his upper-body slouched lazilly against the wall, his right arm extended and his fist clenched tightly, ready for another knock.

Hey, are you looking for Terry?

Yeah, sorry, am I bothering you? I won’t be much longer.

No, I’m already up, but Terry’s not home, I just saw him at the gym.

The one on Turk?

Yeah.

So what’s the matter, is there a leak or something?

Yeah.

You should go talk to Walter (the owner of the building). Is he home?

I don’t know. I hope I’m not bothering you,

No, not all, I just wanted to let you know that he’s not home.

Okay, it shouldn’t be much longer.

I say okay, walk down the stairs and realize I’m more baffled than before. When I get back into my apartment, Aaron starts knocking again! Why is he knocking? I just told him he wasn’t there. There obviously isn’t a leak. My question had merely provided him with an out. There’s something else going on. He continues to knock for another five minutes and then I hear him coming down the stairs. I look through my peephole and see only his arm, extended like an elephant trunk (the rest of his body remains hidden behind the wall), gesturing slowly, making circles with his hand and pointing, like one of those models on The Price is Right. Is this a show for me? Does he know I’m watching him? I finally see him emerge from behind the wall and turn toward me, on his way to his apartment. He’s walking very slowly, and now, his arms are rising to form two upside-down right angles, until he resembles a scarecrow. Now his forearms turn upward, and he poses like a bodybuilder. He continues to move slowly, at the pace of a tai chi practitioner. When he gets to his door, he realizes he’s locked himself out and he knocks. His roommate answers the door and asks if everything’s okay. Yeah, Aaron says. The door closes and I can't make out what's being said.

So what do you think is going on here? What is the connection between these two people? I should note I’ve never seen the two of them talk to each other. Terry lives a primarily solitary existence. He goes to work from 6 am to around 2 pm. He comes home, he plays his saxophone, he plays music, he vacuums. He seems solidly heterosexual. I’ve seen him with numerous women—and heard him satisfy each and every one of them. Is he a gigolo? Is Aaron a client? Oh, I should describe Aaron. He’s mid- to late-20s, attractive. I’ve seen him with a woman before. He’s a DJ. I hear him playing records all the time. In my mind, and Vicky’s, there really are only two possible scenarios. Drugs—most likely steroids. Terry gave Aaron some and he had a bad reaction. But Aaron doesn’t seem the type to take steroids. He looks like an Apple store employee, not a bodybuilder. Second option? There’s a sexual relationship. But neither of them seem gay. What do you guys think?